4. Positivity Grows...

I guess I have always been a positive person and after losing my mum, somehow (and I don’t even know how to this day), I remained positive. I had the strength of my family helping me and my mind was really starting to get through this – in a positive way. How could losing someone so close and significant have such a positive outcome for her daughter?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe you ever really ‘get over’ losing someone. How can anyone really come to terms with that? One thing that I will always struggle with is the fact that my mum, who gave birth to me, who cuddled me when I was born, now just does not even exist anymore? I look at photos and see this beautiful, caring person who did well in her life once upon a time but the reality of her not being a living being anymore – gone, nothing there anymore, is heartbreaking beyond belief.

Reality hurts and when Mothers days come and go or anniversary dates pop up year by year, it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It is another reminder mine has gone. However, I choose it to also be a reminder to stay focused, positive and an opportunity to let the determination grow even more.

6 months after being in Cardiff, I was living the dream and really enjoying what life was offering me. I was also very lonely with not knowing many people and I had to focus on other things such as the gym. I got really into my fitness more and more and I still enjoyed it. I really did get that ‘feel good’ feeling after. Despite the feeling of being isolated with limited friends, the gym became my haven; a place to think and day dream.

My self esteem was growing and after achieving what I had so far, I knew things were looking up for me. I often reflected back on my action plans and my determination led me to really know what I wanted out of life and I started to learn that believing in myself was going to get me there. I later met JR who, little did I know would be the most incredible person who was ever to walk into my life. To make me feel so loved, beautiful and inspiring to others with constant encouragement to achieve all I wanted to achieve. I had found my soul mate and I melted into further happiness.